Good Days

Yes, actually, we do have good days. Today was one particularly shining example!

We have spent the day with a friend of mine who has two boys of similar age to my older 2. All three of my boys adore the eldest of hers and there have been repeated calls to go visit for days. Today we went and all FIVE boys played, and played, and played.

We sat and drank tea and discussed business. The kids got on with being kids and making a huge mess, but there was almost NO fighting! Only one incident the whole day and my eldest special guy coped just fine and did not get excessively aggressive given the provocation.

We cooked sausages on the barbeque.

We went to the park and fed the fish and the sea gulls and the four eldest played on the roundabout.

We came home with tired, but happy kids.

HAPPY PARENTS!

Moving to a big bed - End of an era

My littlest fella is spending his first night in a proper bed tonight. It's a trundle bed, so when he falls out, it's only 10" to the floor. He'll be frightened and upset, but not hurt (well, maybe his pride).

I used a proper big bed for my first born and a rolled up heavy wool blanket under the sheet as an 'edge' to stop him falling out (worked pretty well and didn't cost anything, unlike a proper bed barrier, also easy to replicate if away from home), but learnt from that and used a trundle for child #2. No need for any kind of barrier, and no fear about falling out. He fell out twice and that was that.

This is the end of the 'baby era' in my house. The previous two occasions I've moved kids into 'big beds' I've been in a hurry to free up the cot for the next one! This time, I can take it down and move it on to another home. No more babies. Yes, I'm a little sad, a bit clucky, etc. But I'm also happy, relieved and can see the light at the end of the tunnel. So I recognise and honour all my feelings, and then we'll be moving right along...

The next era begins in January - I will become a 'school mum' as my eldest goes to school, age 5.5yrs.

Sweet Dreams

I should publish my woes here more often! After my last post, my eldest has had a few (relatively) good night's sleep!

I'm sure that Dad being away on business last week contributed greatly to the Autistic Week from hell, in which my eldest had high frequency night waking, night mares and night terrors, and by day was unable to concentrate, and exhibited a lot of his 'self stimulating' behaviour (stuff like the squeeling and the hand flapping).

Poor Dad just can't win - when he goes away, my boy is obviously disturbed, but also rises to the occasion, being helpful and taking charge of his younger brothers (sometimes when NOT required or appropriate!). When Dad comes home, my boy yells at him "Shoe Fly, Shoe!!" (he learnt this phrase to mean 'go away' around 2.5 - 3 yrs of age from the song 'shoe fly, don't bother me, shoe fly, don't bother me, shoe fly don't bother me, coz I don't need no company' and has used it ever since to tell people to go away and stop bothering him, particularly when he's under stress).

Dad has learnt to deal with his odd little boy. Instead of taking it all to heart and being hurt and angry, Dad asked me to have the other two while he took our eldest fishing, for quality time.

Things are pretty much back on track now and settling nicely - both sleep and behaviour patterns are about 'normal' for our special guy.

So, it's true - "This too, shall pass"

The Nightmare nightmare

Yep, the nightmares are back in town.

From the age of about 2yrs to about 4yrs, my eldest had nightmares at 10:30pm and night terrors at 2am. Nothing we could do. Then, for no reason we ever worked out, the frequency began to decrease. By about 4.5yrs old, he still woke around 10:30 every night, but settling was much easier, and the 2am wake was largely gone altogether. Everyone was much happier (he used to scream so much he woke everyone except himself).

Now, they're back. Can't say I've missed them. Thankfully, it seems to be only from about 9:30pm to midnight, and only nightmares. But every night! We are all looking haggard. Poor chap remembers having 'bad dreams' but can't remember what about.

We've banned all potentially scary TV and movies (not that this seems to help). So frustrating. I've Googled and read, and it seems there is nothing to do except wait for them to pass again and cope as best we can in the meantime.

What to tell my child about himself??

I added my first poll this morning. I am curious to know what other people think on the issue, but it probably won't change what I think and do about it. Here's what sparked it all off:

This morning, my special bundle of joy was up to his usual tricks - ones that all ASD parents are likely to be familiar with, namely:

• The high pitch squeel and random vocalisations
• Flapping hands held close to his shoulders
• Running round on tiptoe, at high speed with no regard for safety of self or others
  
• Complete non-compliance with any request to do anything because he just couldn't stay focused and had to resort to one or all of the above.

The result was 2 little brothers copying him and a mum tearing her hair out trying to get them all fed, washed, dressed and off to kindy.

In the end, I physically stopped my eldest, held him infront of my by the shoulders and told him outright "These behaviours are NOT normal; your friends don't do them! If you don't want to be teased, you need to learn to control yourself!". His reply?
"I know. My friends do tease me" to which I responded "Well, your real friends won't tease you, but some people will. That's just the way the world is and if you don't want to be teased, don't give them things to tease you about!".

Then I explained calmly "You are different. I don't fully understand 'how', and there is no 'why', but that's just the way it is. You were born different. This is not a bad thing - life would be dull if we were all the same. However, sometimes you're going to have to behave just the same as everyone else."

So, what do you think? Right approach to teach them they are different? Does this encourage them to understand themselves and others better? Or wrong approach? Does telling them just encourage them to be more separate from the world and to not even try to understand others?

a spoonful of sugar

I am enjoying the benefits of alternative healthcare so much that I wanted to extend treatment to my kids too. However, as anyone can tell you, naturopathic herbal remedies taste disgusting! There's no way to disguise it, hide it, or otherwise deceive someone in to taking it. I've tried bribing the kids with lollies - this tactic is enough to gain co-operation with most things horrible - to no avail.

In the end, I asked my naturopath. Did I really have to put the remedy in a WHOLE glass of juice/water and get them to drink it ALL??

The answer is simply NO. Here are the alternatives:

• The dilution is just for pallitability - the medicines taste worse the more concentrated they are. So, use the minimum you think necessary. This morning, I managed to get away with 1ml of 'potion' and 4mls of water, followed, of course, by a lolly to get rid of the taste.
• Mix the 'potion' with honey to make a syrup and administer that way. I tried this at lunch time. Tastes like cough mixture, but went down successfully. The after-taste of the medicine was so strong though, even I resorted to a lolly!

Wishing you all the very best of health!

PS - "lollies" here in Aus doesn't mean lollipops - it refers to all kinds of candy and sweets.

The Dreaded First Post

OK, I'm going to get through this using the '6 W's' approach to essay writing taught to me in High School English. The 6 W's being: What? Where? When? Why? Who? HoW?

What?
This blog is intended for my thoughts and feelings regarding being a mother. A place to share all my joy, frustration, success, funny moments, tips, tricks, stuff I wish someone had told me, etc. It could end up containing just about anything. In particular, I will attempt to break the isolation that I sometimes feel in raising a 'not quite normal, ever so special' little chap. He has officially earned a label that places him on the Autistic Spectrum and he shows elements of hyperactivity (he hasn't been actually labelled ADHD.... yet, but he is certainly more active than 'normal', and as a result of this and his ASD has a different 'Attention pattern' than 'normal').

Where?
Right here in cyberspace. Geographically, somewhere in Australia in the suburbs of a large city.

When?
Who knows? I could be setting myself just another task I don't have time for... time will tell. Basically, whenever I feel so inspired.

How?
erm... the usual method for blog posting in blogger.

Who?
Just little ol' me. Those that know me and my family will be able to figure it out, I'm sure, but I don't intend identifying myself or my kids for those that don't, simply because it's not fair on the kids. Just think, here I am spilling my guts with amusing tales of kiddy goings-on and in a few years' time, my kids are happily at school until one day, one of their darling little friends finds this blog.....

Why?
Just reaching out, really. In all probability, the only people who will read it are my friends and family whom I tell about it, but it still helps give the illusion of connecting to others 'out there'. It gives me somewhere to put it all, much like an old fashioned journal or diary. However, it has the added bonus of allowing others to search for any shared experience they my find useful.